


Because We Like To Torture People

by RadioBob214



Category: Me and AU (Podcast)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Canada, Childhood Memories, Children's Literature, F/F, Fic within a Fic, First Meetings, Flirting, Fluff, Gentle Kissing, Girls Kissing, Light Angst, Literary References & Allusions, Mildly dubcon kiss, Oblivious, Overthinking, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26956504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadioBob214/pseuds/RadioBob214
Summary: Kate and Ella meet in person for the first time and read each other's terrible middle school fanfic.TW: There is a mildly dubcon kiss (as a result of the characters both being anxious nerds who aren't good at communicating) but the character who initiates it realizes their mistake and apologizes for it.
Relationships: Kate/Ella (Me And AU Podcast)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 16





	Because We Like To Torture People

**Author's Note:**

> "Okay."  
> "Okay." Had Ella read The Fault In Our Stars? Was she flirting via literary reference?

“Kate?” 

“Hmm?” Kate looked up. Ella was standing by her bookshelf. Physically standing there. In person. It was . However, Kate was beginning to regret meeting Ella face to face in her bedroom instead of in a more neutral location. It felt like Ella was seeing her deepest secrets, instead of just her stuffed animals and fanart-plastered walls. She should have redecorated years ago. Her room was childish, painted lavender, (lavender!) with glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling and a light switch shaped like a butterfly.  


Seeing the room through Ella’s eyes, Kate saw that the print of Tony and Garret she’d ordered off of Etsy was hung crooked, that the C.S. Lewis quote on her wall (“You will never find a book long enough or a cup of tea big enough to satisfy me,”) was stenciled poorly, and that the painting of Lothlórien she’d bought at a local ren faire clashed horribly with her décor.  


“What’s this?” Ella grinned predatorily. She was holding a binder with “Katie’s Stories” scrawled across it in purple magic marker calligraphy. Shit.  


“Oh. That.” Shit, shit, shit.  
Ella flipped to a random page and began to read.  


“Ally could be kind of pretty when she wanted to be, thought Bree. Her hair looked soft and the outfit Bree had picked for her was—”  


“No! No, no, nope, no,” said Kate, vaulting across the room so fast her desk chair fell over. She snatched the binder from Ella’s hands.  


“Ooh, what is it? Did little ten-year-old Katie write something that would shock my delicate sensibilities?” cackled Ella.  


“No, it’s nothing. It-it’s just, um,” Kate floundered for an excuse, “It’s just, that um, that particular fic was really, uh. Really sad?”  


“Kate.”  


“Yes?” Kate’s body thrummed with adrenaline. She didn’t remember that fic in particular, but that binder was from late elementary school. That had been Kate’s conformity stage. Whatever she’d written, it was doubtlessly embarrassing.  


“Have you met me?”  


“What?”  


“I read fanfiction. I write fanfiction. I spend hours on end coming up with elaborate ways to torment people I love, and myself by proxy. Thank you for the content warning, but I am far too masochistic to be dissuaded.”  


Shit.  


“Fine,” said Kate. Ella’s smile was positively devious. That combined with the word ‘masochist,’ (which sent Kate’s Wattpad-ruined mind into a smut spiral) was terrifying. Kate’s stomach flipped, “But,” she said, holding up a finger, “You have to show me one of your old fics.”  


“Okay,” Ella said in a singsong voice. She had quite a nice voice.  


“Okay.”  


“Okay.”  


“Okay.” Had Ella read The Fault in Our Stars? Was she flirting via literary reference?  


“So, I’ll start at the beginning then?” said Ella.  


“Okay,” said Kate, and immediately cursed herself.  


Ella pushed a teddy bear out of the way and sat down on the bed, curling up with her legs under her. She looked perfectly at ease as she began to read.

҉

Chapter one: Ally.  


Ally had never had a sleepover with a girl before, not counting the couple of hours they’d all spent in the shed. She could only assume it was like in books. If so, she wasn’t sure she had the supplies. She had never owned a frilly nightgown or a hairbrush that you could sing into. Her mother didn’t have high heels or makeup and playing practical jokes had always seemed kind of mean to her. But Bree wanted to have a sleepover, and she had dismissed all of Ally’s concerns.  


“Come on, we can make mini pizzas, since you don’t get real pizza out here,” Bree said, leading Ally by the hand into the kitchen.  


“I’ve had real pizza,” said Ally.  


“Where?” said Bree.  


“Here. You can make pizza at home, you know.”  


“That so does not count. It’s not pizza if it’s not bad for you.”  


This was fun, so far. Ally discovered the wonders of bagel pizza, and then Bree said it was time for makeovers.  


“But I like how I look,” Ally protested.  


“It doesn’t matter if you like how you look. Makeovers are about trying something different and being silly.”  


That didn’t sound so bad. So, Ally sat cross-legged on a pillow while Bree flitted around her. First, she put on foundation, whatever that was. It felt odd on Ally’s skin. Almost wrong, but not. Bree’s hands were good at putting on makeup, and Ally relaxed. Bree laid a finger on Ally’s eyelid to keep it still for the eyeshadow. Ally didn’t dare breathe. Bree was sitting really close.  


Chapter two: Bree.  


It was hard to believe Ally didn’t know any of this. She had never had real pizza, or had her makeup done. Still, it was kind of fun to teach her. She looked good with her makeup done. Bree picked out a flowy purple blouse and a pair of jean cutoff shorts and sent her to the bathroom to change.  


“And make sure you don’t smear your makeup!” Bree called after her. It was hard to imagine that Bree had ever despised this place so much. It really wasn’t all that bad.  


“Did I smear my makeup too badly?” asked Ally.  


Ally could be kind of pretty when she wanted to be, thought Bree. Her hair looked soft and the outfit Bree had picked for her was perfectly suited to her complexion.  


“No, you’re fine,” said Bree, “You just need…” she took the lip gloss from her purse and smeared it on Ally’s lips.  


“Thank you for doing my makeup,” said Ally, “Do you want me to do yours?”

҉

“That’s where it ends,” said Ella. She really did have a soothing voice. Kate had been listening in a sort of stupor, mesmerized by Ella’s vocal rhythm.  


“Oh. Yeah,” said Kate, intelligently.  


“Your turn now,” said Ella. Kate could see her smiling, but she could hear the smile in her voice too.  


“What?”  


“To find one of my old fics. I think my oldest pseud is overlandgirl. There should be a link on my profile.”  


“That’s not fair,” said Kate, before she could stop herself.  


“What’s not fair?” said Ella, almost mockingly.  


“No, I mean- just, um. I, uh, my fic wasn’t published.”  


“Oh, it’s more than fair,” said Ella. Kate would have brushed off the whole incident, but Ella continued. “I read a fic from when you were little. You get to read a fic from when I was little and thought I was creating the Great Canadian Fanfic.”  


“Okay.” Was Kate imagining things or did Ella’s smile grow just the slightest bit at that?  
Kate hopped up on the bed, pulled Ella’s profile on her phone, and found the pseud. The earliest fic was a one shot with mediocre spelling and borderline illegible formatting. It was based on The Two Princesses of Bamarre. Kate started to read, haltingly at first, but more smoothly as the story continued.

҉

Chapter One:  


I wake up. Good. That means it was a dream.  
I tried to move my arms. They are tied down. This was less good!! This probably means that it was not a dream. I didn’t want to remember what happened last night, but the memories decided that I would remember them anyway.  


It all started when I was eating breakfast, (I’m partial to such human things as breakfast. More than the other fairies.  


Any way, I was eating breakfast and Queen Seema came to me with an Assignment. She wanted me to kill a giant slug named Phineas. Phineas’s whole body was a weak spot, but unlike regular sized slugs, it moved quickly. This was normal.  


So I went to go find Phineas, but I had to look under a lot of rocks and in mossy dirty forests, not the pretty kind, and then I found him!

҉

Kate had to read that sentence three times. Ella looked deeply uncomfortable.

҉

I found him. He looked like a regular slug but he was the size of a person and blue. I drew my sword (another human thing) and stabbed him. That was easy.  


I walked out of the temple with my sword dripping monster goo. Suddenly a hand went over my face and suffocated me!!!! I passed out.  


I woke up. There were a circle of people standing around me. Some of them weren’t people. One of them looked like Phineas.  


“What is the meaning of this?!?!” I said.  


“You killed my son,” said a really really really big slug.  


“I kill a lot of thing. Was your son trying to kill my friends?” I said  


“My son Phineas was a good slug. You killed him. Now we take our revenge.”  


That sounded bad. Then somebody grabbed me and hit me on the head and I passed out again.

Chapter 2  


My head hurts again. I missed my sister. I know she’s not supposed to be my sister anymore because I’m a fairy, but I forget sometimes. I thought that because I can’t die anymore, she would not have to be sad because of me dying but now I’m going to go missing, and they aren’t going to find me, and she’s going to be sad anyway. My head really really hurts. Maybe I have a concussion.  


I started singing. It was dark and I was lonely. I went through all of Drualt and the song that the dragon sang to Addie that she sang to me and I was still lonely so I sang them again.  


Then it was too bright. Someone opened the door to the dungeon and I was in the dungeon so long that even the candle light was too bright.  


“My lady,” said a really big frog, “I came to help you escape. Our Leader is not a good ruler and I want to live where you live.”  


“Okay,” I said, “how are we going to escape?”  


“Come with me,” said the frog. We went down a hallway. There was a gray door that we went into. There was a little closet on the other side of it. The frog dressed me up in a skirt like hers and put a veil over my face so no one could see. We walked a really really long ways before I felt safe using my magic. Then we were back at Mount Ziriat in a second. The frog’s name was Lily and I was best friends with her after that.  


The end.

҉

“That was…” Kate searched for a positive adjective.  


“Well, it exists. That’s really all it has going for it.”  


“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Ten-year-old Ella is obviously the next Suzanne Collins.”  


“Bite me.”  


“What an honor! An invitation to bite the greatest author of our time.”  


“Oh my god, stop!” said Ella, playfully punching Kate’s shoulder. She pronounced ‘stop’ with two syllables.  


Kate grinned. “Great Canadian Fanfic indeed. This deserves far more than—” she checked the post, “Eleven kudos.”  


“Kate, stop. I’m begging you.”  


“What’ll you do if I don’t?”  


“Maybe I’ll bite you first,” said Ella.  


This was flirtation. The utterly obvious realization smacked Kate upside the head. This entire exchange sounded like something she would give to Tony and Garret. This was not what friends did. Friends did not look at each other like this. Friends did not lean in close like this. And friends definitely didn’t…  


Ella was going to kiss her. Ella was going to kiss Kate. Did Kate want to be kissed? Was this what she wanted? Would this ruin their friendship? And long-distance relationships? Kate’s brain rattled off potential disasters like an auctioneer.  


Kate was kissing Ella. She decided that she did, in fact, want to be kissed. Ella’s hand was on the back of her neck. Ella tasted sweet, vaguely familiar. This was happening. Kate was kissing Ella.  


And then she wasn’t. “Breathe,” commanded Ella. Kate obliged, gasping slightly. She wasn’t sure if she felt Ella’s pulse racing through her thumb on Kate’s neck, or if it was her own.  


“Can I- Was that okay?” asked Kate.  


“Yeah, I mean- yes. Definitely. Tickety boo.”  


“Tickety boo?”  


“Okay, I’m making you watch Good Omens with me. But yes. Tickety-fucking-boo,” said Ella, “Can I kiss you again? I’m sorry, I should have asked first.”  


“Okay. Um, it’s okay. Yes. I, um, I want that.”  


Kate had kissed people before, but she had never had a fanfiction kiss. Her previous kisses had been fun; pleasant, but not much more than that. When Kate had been kissed before, all noises had been voluntary. Kate had never trembled while kissing. She had never melted.  


Kissing Ella was just as surprising the second time. This time, Kate was relaxed enough to let her mouth drift open. A soft noise pulled itself from deep in her throat. She pulled away, shoulders tensing in embarrassment, but Ella followed, and Kate found herself relaxing once more.  


Maybe they would work out as a couple. Maybe things would be awkward after this. Maybe there would be more fanfiction kisses to come. Then again, maybe not. Any combination of these were possible. But right now, Kate was kissing Ella, and the future didn’t matter, because the present was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback! This is my first published fic.
> 
> Title is based off of a quote from the Alcatraz Vs. the Evil Librarians series, by Brandon Sanderson.  
>  Kate's fic is based on Every Soul A Star, by Wendy Mass  
>  The "Okay?" "Okay," bit is a reference to The Fault In Our Stars, by John Green.  
>  Ella's fic is based on The Two Princesses of Bamarrë, by Gail Carson Levine.  
>  Ella's old pseud is based on the Overland Chronicles, by Suzanne Collins.  
>  Ella references Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.  
> 
> 
> I highly recommend all of the above books. 
> 
> I pictured Ella's fic as being one of those fics with no paragraph breaks, but I'm not that cruel.


End file.
